Is romantic love real?
It’s Valentine’s Day and the CBC Calgary announcer just claimed that Alberta has the highest divorce rate in Canada. Post-Valentine topic for the morning program, he said. Interesting.
Perhaps Rosemary Sullivan, author of Labyrinth of Desire , can shed some light. She suggests that new relationships begin with an intense euphoria in which two people have touched in the other “a spring that opens the box of ourselves. … a lovely stage of spreading things out for each other: anecdotes, jokes, intimacies and two lives suddenly unfold and match.”
Enthusiastic sharing such as this, releases that magical of all hormones, endorphins, and that is when we mere humans feel that we are walking on air. Falling in love awakens in us the feeling that WE are the one and only. The most endearing, beautiful ONE on the planet. We walk taller. We smile more. People notice something very special about us.
I think that we can all recall a friend, neighbour, acquaintance, cousin, (ourselves) who finds love, but within a few months becomes bored and goes on to search again. Perhaps there is an addiction to the newness of the love. The exploration, the discovery. It’s very heady.
Reality sets in. “You discover that you have nurtured in another what you should have nurtured in yourself and you’re left empty. Even damaged. Bending your will to his, you lose your own passions and dreams.”
Without thoughtful and grounded awareness, love “dissolves.” What breaks our hearts, according to Sullivan, is that we no longer “enthrall ourselves.”
Cynical? Perhaps. But maybe it’s the reason behind the high divorce rate here in Calgary and elsewhere.
We so desperately want to belong to someone, to be loved, that we morph into what the relationship requires to stay alive. When we wake up to the realisation that we are not here anymore, we seek again, to find ourselves.
Generally, where do we look? We look out. We find a new relationship and are once again blinded by the discovery.
Let’s look inward and nurture our selves and the one that we discover will lead us to grounded, healthy love.